We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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