it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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