my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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