Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize