i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
