My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
