I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
