i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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