I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
