the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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