Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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