Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize