I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
