I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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