I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
