woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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