I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The adults are the big ones right?
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