I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
