It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
