i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
