just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
