i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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