The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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