I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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