Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
