i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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