My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
