There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
