Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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