You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
