So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
