just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
