i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
