plz talk dirty to me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
