If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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