not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
