I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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