glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
