were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
