Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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