I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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