I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
