she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
