so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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