I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
