I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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