i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
