I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
