What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
