i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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