whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
