Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
