Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
