he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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