i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
