every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
