I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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