I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
