These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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