yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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