if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
