I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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