When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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