I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
