Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
