i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
