Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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