i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
