when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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