I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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