I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
