the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize