Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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