youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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