are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
